


sunlight and cracked mirrors

by miss_sofia



Category: The A-List
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Kayleigh-centric, Kayleigh/Mia if you squint, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Timey-Wimey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 16:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_sofia/pseuds/miss_sofia
Summary: Kayleigh feels split in three. What might have been and might still be.
Relationships: Kayleigh & Amber, Kayleigh & Mia, Kayleigh/Zac
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	sunlight and cracked mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> Binged The A-List, saw there was no fic and wrote this whole thing in a daze on sleeping pills.

Kayleigh feels split in three.

There's one of her who brushes long, shiny hair in a hundred strokes before bed, who smiles in Zac's arms, who laughs at Mia's snark, who dances freely and gladly under the setting sun in the middle of camp.

There's one of her who's eager to befriend a queen, a quiver to her voice and a spring in her step, the irritating habit of pointing out the ways in which she's the same as some and not the same as others, as if ignorant of the fact that the signs she believes matter are the less significant of all.

There's one of her who keeps a sharp bob, smiles only on cue and drips calculated sweetness in each word, who follows, follows, follows, the readiest lady-in-waiting, her edges trimmed and buffed and rounded out by other hands, squashing everything else in a tiny box deep inside her brain, where no one can hear it scream.

They are all, these three Kayleighs, superimposed. They coexist and fight for power and dominance, trying to override one another as if one could easily come out the winner. Her, the real Kayleigh, the house that built them and stands around them, has no say in the matter, no strength to bet on the favorite or the underdog. She stares at a picture, at the water, at the leaves, at the dark behind her eyelids, and all she sees is a cracked reflection, a house of mirrors splitting and replicating her imagem every each way, tiny pieces of her soul, body and brain, all spread out into infinity, where she can never again hope to control them, if she ever could in the first place.

* * *

Some people radiate power, shining so bright they have their own gravitational pull. People like Mia, or Amber. Kayleigh knows this because she's not a sun, but a planet, made to orbit around and around and around them, even when she pretends to contain her own issues, depths and questions. "I mean, the earth has seas and stuff, but seas aren't as important as the sun, yeah?", she finishes explaining to Zac, a little high on a sunny day, her head in his lap as he plays with her long, luscious locks.

Zac's smile is so easy and open, content to sit like that with her, just the two of them in the woods. She knows he's thinking they could stay like this forever — Zac can't keep a secret, lie or cheat, because the truth shines bright in his face.

"You're like a sun to me, babe," he says, finally, a beat too late, and she's sure he means it. Unfortunately, that's because he didn't really understand anything at all.

She sighs, lets it go and slips into a calm contentment. _He's a planet too_, she thinks. _That's why we're perfect for each other_.

* * *

Except that's not really what happened, is it?

_No_, she thinks. _It was Mia in the woods_. Similar picture, but there's something wrong about the atmosphere, the air around her. Kayleigh feels the grass prickling her skin and something burns in yearning deep inside her as she explains the sun-and-planets system. "You're obvs a sun," she states, with a giggle bursting from her lips without warning, and Mia snorts and covers her lips in a reflexive gesture.

Kayleigh reaches up and brings Mia's hand down again, to her hair. It's a needy gesture, too eager and transparent, but for once Mia doesn't comment on it, just goes back to running her fingers from Kayleigh's scalp to the slightly tangled ends. When Mia scratches her scalp, just slightly, Kayleigh shivers and a memory floats like a bubble through her consciousness, only to vanish with a pop. "Déjà-vu", she mutters, exaggerating a French accent made up in her mind.

"What?," Mia asks, stilling her hand for a second.

"Just dumb earth stuff," Kayleigh replies, mumbling a happy noise when Mia laughs, with a snort again, and moves her fingers once more.

* * *

With Amber, the woods are something else: cold, dark, sharp. They're not dangerous, because Kayleigh knows its secrets and knows real danger now — but without danger there's no beauty. It's the same sunny day, or a sunny day like the one before, the two before, the god knows how many before, after, unstuck in time. It's sunny and hot but no beads of sweat form on her neck, no strand of her hair gets tangled or caressed.

In the back of her mind, Kayleigh can feel the earth story taking shape, finding its narrative flow, as if stepping in that same spot could activate a feeling, a memory. But it doesn't make its way out of her head, out of her mouth, it doesn't reach anyone else. It barely reaches herself.

If she could only step in that spot again, maybe she could —

"Shut up, Kayleigh, God. You're just a satellite," comes Amber's voice, as cold, dark and sharp as the woods. Kayleigh doesn't flinch, even though it's mean, even though she hasn't said anything out loud, even though she's not entirely sure Amber spoke either, or if it's just the tiny Amber word stream that pours into her mind all day long in whispers, chantes and litanies.

Kayleigh doesn't flinch, but her hand comes up on instinct, tucks her hair behind her ear, lingers on its length for a second longer.

* * *

When it all comes back it's a flood: violent, disgusting, overpowering. She can barely breathe or keep her head above water, and the entire world sticks to her, carries her in a tangle of stories, memories, schemes and lies. She comes to in a clearing, shaking enough for three lifetimes. There's beauty around her, fear as well, but something else — a glimmer settles over everything she sees, each branch, leaf and bird, a gleam of layer upon layer washed clean and away.

She stands up and swears she can feel the hair cascading down her back, the long strands she wraps around a finger, even if she can't see them just yet. There's so much she can feel, so much she can know.

Kayleigh takes a step forward, then two, three, and sprints through the woods. There's survival to be found somewhere, a way to put herself back together. And then (this she knows for sure, with the certainty shining from her core), she will be a sun herself.


End file.
